Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
