Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
