K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
