I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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