College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
