she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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