Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
