CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
