Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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