Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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