is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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