I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
