Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
