Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he thought i was a dude.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize