You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
