Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
