Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
