Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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