Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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