Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
