the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
