best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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