he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
