What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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