I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
