All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
