my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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