He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
