okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
