my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
