For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
