I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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