I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
