Have you finally orgasmed yet?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
