i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Boobs are out for the taking
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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