I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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