So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize