Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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