i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
