ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
