So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
