Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
