Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
