I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
