I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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