I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
