Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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