i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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