so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize