Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
worst night to have a conscience
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
