Welp...herpes.
is wine microwaveable?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
