i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
