Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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