I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
