what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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