would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
