I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
