I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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