i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
