im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
