At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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