There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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