you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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