He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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