I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
