Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
