ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize