Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
