Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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