he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
