a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Randomize
