if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
